There's a great adage: When Two or three are gathered together... you'll have four or five opinions. It's typical - we all have our own unique perspectives and perceptions, our ways of thinking, and how we engage with the world around us. We've been formed by our experiences, our education, our friends and families.
So. We all know how the world works - according to us. And how things *should* work. According to us. And who, obviously, is wrong - according to us.
So let's think about that for a moment. Those people. The ones who aren't doing things right, who think wrong, who speak wrong, who act wrong. Those ones. You know who I mean - they just don't. clue. in. No matter how many times you try to explain *it* to them. (whatever IT may be - could be cooking techniques, or COVID protocols; it could be what hockey team is best (haha Winnipeg Jets, obviously) - or what skin colour is best. Hmm.
So. Those people. We all have them, if we're honest with ourselves - folks we don't get along with, we don't want to get along with, the conflicts we can justify because - well, because it's them.
Unfortunately, this isn't new. And Jesus, with his infinite grace and patience, knowing that we'd be plagued with conflict forever, gave us a nice simple template for conflict resolution. Great word there, don't you think, resolution. To resolve something. To re-solve it. Suggesting that there's been a breakdown, at some point, that needs to be solved again in order for harmony to return.
So! Ask any of our school-aged friends, ask any teacher, ask anyone who works with people, the best way to deal with conflict. Hint: the answer here is not "ignore it!"
Go, and speak with the person; one-on-one. Don't take it to Facebook, don't take it to the coffee shop, don't take it anywhere except the source of the conflict. And if it continues, involve a trusted friend - of both parties - to intermediate; and if needed bring it to the church, and then beyond.
It's a great model. Jesus is on to some good material here!
But. How interesting that we still need to have this model stated for us. Because we know that this isn't always how it plays out.
The world is full of the he-said-she-said stuff, the "people are saying" stuff, the 'did you hear the latest' stuff... and you know what? It's not new.
Last winter I attended a conflict resolution training, where the leader talked about the rider and the elephant. The rider was the rational component - logical, practical, etc. So when that is in charge, no problem. The elephant, however, was the emotional side - and we know that emotions, like elephants, react to external stresses in a similar way - they stampede all over the place - and carry the rider with them.
So, if our conversations with people, in trying to seek resolution, are happening when emotion is in charge, the rational is not available. And vice versa. And when two elephants or emotional sides are rampaging around - yikes. Conflict. People get hurt.
So... how do we get the rational sides focusing at the same time?
Interestingly, the gospel tells us this as well - more subtly, but it's there. And I'm going to dive in here with 3 L's.
The first one: LOOK - look around to see why this conflict is happening. This means getting off the elephant and trying to sort out the root of the problem, whatever that issue might be. And it is always an issue - while we may have a feeling of moral superiority, we realise - when our rational sides are working - that other people are not inferior.
So we look to articulate the issue by continuing to ask deeper questions. And, we need to recognise that part of the process of looking for the issue is looking into ourselves. Why has this bothered us, what resolution are we looking for, etc. Is this even about what we think it is, or are we carrying past hurts? There's a great saying - if you don't heal your wounds, you'll bleed on someone who didn't cut you.
The second L I'm going to give here is LISTEN. Listening is incredibly important - not just hearing the words and planning a retort, but listening to what is being said, to what emotions are being revealed, to what else is going on. It means being vulnerable and open enough to hear how we are the bad guys in someone else's story... we may be a those people to thosepeople.
If we're just keen on speaking over the other person, we'll never hear what's actually going on. This is why Jesus says to listen so many times in this gospel passage. Listen to the one who offends, and discern if you are listened to.
The third L happens when there is no resolution to be had - this is when the conflict has won, and the person is to be treated as a Gentile and a Tax Collector! HA! Here comes - THOSE people - How does Jesus treat THOSE people?
With Love. Our third "L" word is love.
Jesus didn't reject tax collectors and gentiles - he sought them out. They spoke together, walked together, ate together. Jesus went out of his way to move beyond differences, and to seek commonalities. He wanted to know the person that was in front of him - not the politics or education or religion or anything else that divided: Jesus wanted to see the person, to hear the person, to love the person.
And he invites us to do the same. When conflict is SO big that it feels there is no way to get past it: love. Reach out in love. Genuine, gentle, honest love.
And this is where it gets even better: because we ourselves are changed by love and by loving. And when we want to receive more love, we need to release more love. Especially with and towards those that we have chosen to close our hearts against.
And when we bind ourselves in loving relationships here on earth, our Father in heaven rejoices, and love wins. And when we loosen ourselves from the bonds of anger here on earth, our Father in heaven rejoices, and again - love wins.
So imagine then, if we are willing to look, listen, and love - when we come to topics from opposite sides. How much more kindness can we share in the world? How much more compassion can we experience in our homes? How much more patience can we extend when the world is still kinda riding that elephant more often than we'd like to admit.
And this is what that final line means for us: that when two of us - who have started out as those people to each other, who have conflict and anger and all sorts of negativity: if two such people can agree about something, it's because there has been mutual respect, conversation, and resolution.
And when we come to God in resolution, God rejoices. And what we have asked - that we be re-united in love - God provides.
For when two or three are truly gathered in the name of the One who is perfect love; love is there.
Look; listen; love.
What a great reminder for our week.
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