I spent the past weekend (week?) sharing in some really profound experiences. I
'm a member of the Board of Directors for the Primate's World Relief and Development Fund, the Canadian Anglican organisation for international aid. As a friend puts it, Anglican Do-Gooders. This year the PWRDF celebrates it's 50th anniversary. Twice per year, we have our Board meetings. I know, Board meetings are usually spelled Bored meetings. Lots of business, not often too much fun. However, I find these types of meetings to be highly energising. Could be my rather large desire for social justice coming out in real ways. Could be the people. Could be a lot of things.
So, the meetings of the Board started on Wednesday, and went until Saturday afternoon. We then had the AGM. Then the Youth Council meetings were starting. Well, I wear a few hats for the PWRDF; aside from being a Board member, I'm also the secretary, which means I get to sit on the Executive committee. Every Board member sits on a standing committee, mine is Development. I'm co-chair for the Partnership Steering Committee ([part of our mandate for the current strategic plan) so I got to report back on the work that has been done there, and is continuing to progress with full support of the Board (woohoo!!). A year ago I agreed to sit on the Gender committee, I'm now taking lead on that and got to report on our work there. I was blessed to work with a great group to coordinate worship for the gatherings. So overall, it was a busy few days. I'm also the current Board rep (observer) to the PWRDF Youth Council, which was meeting Saturday until today. Very cool folks - energetic, committed, passionate for justice. Inspiring. But put it all together, it makes for a long weekend. Reminds me to take a few days off before starting my other PWRDF volunteer work (I'm chaplain to the 50 Leaders program, and sit on the Diocesan team too).
So. Busy weekend. But I had 3 separate moments throughout that brought tears to my eyes. Those of you who know me well know that I seldom cry in public, especially in front of people I don't know well. And *3* this weekend.
The first time was in a brief expression of thanks to the Board. After having been ill this spring, I have received countless notes of support and prayer; a good 2/3 of them have been from people related to the PWRDF. I fully credit my continuing health and recovery to those prayers and support. So I was granted opportunity to thank the Board for their input to that - and it was so powerful for me that I had a hard time keeping the tears in. We always speak of the power of prayer, I was thrilled to be able to stand before them and show them the power of their prayers, and to let them know how much they mean to me.
The second time was Sunday morning. We have photographic evidence of this one. :) My oldest friend Veronica and her husband Mike were blessed with the miracle of a son in May. On Sunday morning, I was so blessed to become godmother to Ethan Samuel. He's gorgeous and perfect and proof that miracles surround us. It's profound to hold such an amazingly tangible gift from God and know that I'm going to play a deeply spiritual part in his life (yes, he's already changed my world :) Trying to describe the baptism to the Youth Council (whose meetings I had snuck out of for) was almost embarrassing - I almost burst into tears just telling them about him...
The third time I cried this weekend was at the conclusion of the YC meetings. I had been asked to help lead worship for the gathering, which I was pleased to do. I'm also the only ordained one of the group, so the holy handwaving duties naturally came to me. We were gathered in the chapel at the National Offices, and were under extreme time constraints, when I flipped to Eucharistic Prayer #4 (my favourite, tells the Universe Story, was the one I used for my first every celebration). I had just gotten into the Sursum Corda when it came to me that I have not celebrated the Eucharist since leaving the Ascension in May... so to be able to share that important moment with such great people in such a wonderful space - it was powerful. For so many reasons. I was shaking throughout it - and blinking back the tears.
My energy levels are still not quite where they were bfore April - I'm about 75-80% capacity. I still try to push myself though, especially when in such a great environment as this weekend. So I'm physically exhausted - I feel like I could sleep for a month! But my spirit is so uplifted right now I have been having trouble sleeping - it's as though my soul might burst out of my skin. I think that's why the tears have been flowing, just as a response to the pure elation and joy and sense of God-given love and peace I'm feeling from these rather varied experiences.
So, on the bus home I was reflecting on how these three circumstances integrate. And of course, they're all expressions of pure beauty and faith. But I think it's more than that - they all really highlight for me the actions of my vocations. I know God has called me to be an Auntie - there's a few munchkins now that have complete hold on my heart - and Ethan's baptism (like Kieran's) confirms for me the blessing of chosen family and a sacred link there. I also know that I am called to work toward peace and justice initiatives, and the PWRDF really gives me an outlet for that energy; so to be upheld by the community which means so much to me - means I'm where I need to be. And there's been little doubt about my calling to the priesthood - but a wonderful reality to have had the visceral reaction confirming that. (Almost as good as blue lights!)
I've been feeling very positive recently about being exactly where God needs me to be at this point in my journey. This weekend's experiences have just helped me share with anyone around how much positive energy there is about the whole thing. As a colleague said: tears are Holy Water - let it flow. I'm so very, very blessed.
